Passing the Candle

A few days prior to Christmas 1970, I returned home after serving a two year mission for the LDS Church. Nan had written me letters fairly often for the entire two years. Before I left for Denmark, we had been close, but I chose not to ask her to wait for me. I was always hoping that she would be there, but I always expected her to date and enjoy life rather than to sit around missing me.
After our first meeting upon my return, I recognized that the feelings we had for each other had not changed. Sure, she had dated and attended college, but we both felt the same, even after two years.
We shopped around for a ring, and after finding one that she liked, I later returned and purchased it.
My friend Mark, a year younger then I am, having just gone through a divorce, counseled me to not get married. He was serious, and I could tell that he was still smarting from the heartache.
I was a little shy about asking Nan’s dad for her hand in marriage. Still, she insisted that to be proper, I needed to do it. It was the night of her family’s Christmas party. We were up at their cabin, and if you knew her family, it was a large group. Somehow, we managed to get her parents up in a small little balcony that overlooked the cabins main room. There, nervous and shy, I asked her father for her hand. He said yes, and promptly went to the edge of the balcony, where he called for everyone’s attention. There, to my embarrassment he announced to everyone present, that he was going to get a new “son-in-law.”
Nan’s dad had a large station wagon. It was a Chrysler as that is what he always had for his large family (12 kids). On our way home, Nan and I were sitting in the back. Packed in pretty tight, we couldn’t help but cuddle up to stay warm. When we reached my parents circular driveway, I leaned over to give Nan a goodnight kiss. Her dad must have been watching in the mirror, because he drove through the circle to the street and around again without stopping. I’m thinking it was three times. He was not only buying me more time for the goodnight kiss, but to embarrass me in front of the other kids. He had a wonderful sense of humor.
Another night not too long after that, I presented Nan with the ring and we officially became engaged.
Nan belonged to a sorority at the University of Utah. They had a tradition of “passing the candle.” What this consisted of was that the person who got engaged would leave a candle outside the sorority director’s door. Having found the candle, the director would, within a few days, call a meeting for the candle ceremony. The girls would sit in a large circle, sing some kind of romantic song, and as they were doing so, they would pass the candle around the circle. After the candle had gone full circle, the girls would pretend to blow the candle out, but only the one who was engaged would finally blow it out. This was their way of announcing the engagement to the others. Then to my chagrin, I had to come in and meet all the other sorority sisters.
After all these years, that night seems like a life time ago.
Four months later, Nan and I were married…still are. My friend Mark eventually married again too…still is.
All of these years with Nan have been a wonderful blessing. She has already passed the age of her mother when she passed away. A couple of years and she will pass the age of her father when he passed away. It makes me think of the poem my father used to share:
Lord, May there be no moment in her life,
That she regrets that she became my wife.
Keep her dear eyes just a trifle blind
To my defects and to my failings kind
Help me to do the utmost that I can
To show myself her measure of a man
But if I often fail as mortals may