The Farmer and The Bandit

Because my neighbor was hauling some equipment when I was finished with my irrigation turn, I told him I would turn the water on his large field when it was time...It's the kind of thing neighbors do.
Having adjusted the stream of water, I started to walk back across the field. I heard a rustle in the alfalfa and turned just in time to face the little bandit. He was running about ten feet away and stopped in his tracks when I turned to look. I'm not sure which of us was the most surprised.
He must have been hiding in one of the irrigation pipes because he was soaked to the skin and looked like a drowned rat.
I thought of the board laying by the head gate about twenty feet away. I could always give him a whack with that if I could just get to it in time. He must have read my mind, because he bolted that way trying to get to it first. My sore knees just wouldn't move that fast.
Instead of stopping for a fight, he crawled through the fence and disappeared into the brush.
There I stood, waving a 2X4 club at nothing.
The family of raccoons, that have been eating some of the corn patches around the neighborhood, must be sitting around their family room rolling on the floor laughing as he told his side of the story... some gimpy old geezer running, trying to keep up with him...